Archive for the ‘learning’ Category

Locus of Control

Monday, April 19th, 2010

I have had a number of discussions recently with clients and their difficulties around taking responsibility for their own behaviours/decisions etc. It stems around where their locus of control is, either externally or internally.

At the moment there is a great trend towards letting the Universe provide – ask, and it shall be given you. The trouble with this way of doing things is that the locus of control is external, ie it lies outside of you.

I prefer to think that the Universe may provide things – and it may not, but I don’t have to sit and wait for it to happen. I can be doing much to help things happen for me in all areas of my life. This gives me an internal locus of control – I’m in charge.

Now, I’m not saying the things always go the way I would like them to. I’m a fellow struggler through life, the same as everyone. So, of course, there is a downside to having an internal locus of control – who can we blame if it doesn’t go the way I want?

Well here’s the thing. I could try and blame others for my faults and failings, couldn’t I? Afterall, it then gives me every reason to continue making mistakes and not taking any responsibility. It’s someone else’s fault then.

However, I choose to take responsibility for both my mistakes, and my successes – they are mine too. And that’s the up-side, isn’t it.

But I also choose to see mistakes, not as failings, but as learnings. As far as I’m concerned the only mistakes are the ones we don’t learn from. And I intend for my whole life to be a chance for me to learn whatever there is for me to learn, that means I progress.

So, where are you going to put your locus of control? Is it outside, giving someone else the power over you? Or are you going to take responsibility, have an internal locus of control that gives you the power over your own path?

The Universe might provide, but you could be a long time waiting if it doesn’t.

Reflections on what we control and what we don’t

Monday, February 8th, 2010
Once again my this blog comes from Michael Neill’s weekly email. It is reproduced here with his permission.His emails can be really inspiring and you can sign up to receive them too by using the link at the bottom of the page. I hope you enjoy it … Did you know that “worry” is a verb? That is, “to worry something” is to shake it about – it is an activity, not a thing.

The kind of worrying that most of us do is with our thoughts. We take a particular thought and “worry it about” in our minds, shaking it back and forth and flipping it around until we become absolute experts on everything that could possibly go wrong.  

I myself am an expert “worrier” – I seem to have been granted the ability to pick out the worst-case scenario at a puppy farm, or to imagine all the things that could go wrong at an OSHA convention.  
Which is why I’ve always found it a bit curious that when I’m actually IN a difficult situation, I tend to handle it with remarkable ease and grace. Being stuck in traffic doesn’t upset me, even if I’m running late. If the recording equipment stops working at an event where I’m teaching, as it did recently, I can generally incorporate it into the proceedings without batting an eyelash, even if I had previously been worrying about the possibility.  

The difference, or so it seems to me, is this:  

Once something has actually happened, whether or not it happens is clearly no longer within my control. And if I know that something is not within my control, I see no point in worrying about it, or more accurately, in worrying it about.
Which is why when I woke up a couple of days ago without control over the left side of my face, I was oddly calm. In fact, the only real thought my worrying mind gave me to play with was how it might affect the television pilot we’re working on, and whether or not they will be able to film me exclusively from the right side until whatever it was cleared up.  

When others kindly pointed out to me all the other things I could be worrying about that might be a wee bit more important than how I looked on TV, like a brain tumor or a stroke, it did occur to me to go to the hospital, and they quickly diagnosed it as a mild case of Bell’s Palsy, a strange form of facial paralysis the explanation for which sounded completely made up, even to the doctor who diagnosed me with it.  
The good thing about Bell’s Palsy is that a. Most people recover within 2 – 3 weeks and b. With the exception of a cocktail of drugs that may or may not speed recovery and that I am faithfully taking each day, there’s nothing much which can be done.  

And I find that sort of behavioral helplessness incredibly comforting. Oh sure, I get that if I maintain a relatively positive mind and a relatively relaxed body, that will create an internal environment which promotes healing. And even after only a few days, I’ve discovered that ordering soup for lunch is just a bad idea. But when there’s nothing to be done about something, there’s nothing to be done about it – and that leaves our energy free to enjoy whatever it is we can do.  

Twenty years ago, I remember seeing the quadriplegic motivational speaker W. Mitchell give a talk from his wheelchair. The line which burned into my memory was this:

“Before I was paralyzed there were 10,000 things I could do. Now there are 9,000. I can either dwell on the 1,000 I’ve lost or focus on the 9,000 I have left.”  
 

What we control, in my experience, is not what happens to us and not even which thoughts, positive or negative, come into our head. What we control is what we do and which thoughts we dwell on. And funnily enough, that’s more than enough control to create a magical life, regardless of whatever circumstances you happen to find yourself in.  

Recently, I was watching a video of the spiritual philosopher Syd Banks and he shared an old Irish philosophy: 

There are only two things to worry about – are you sick or are you well?If you’re well, there’s nothing to worry about. And if you’re sick, there are only two things to worry about – will you live or will you die? If you live, there’s nothing to worry about. And if you die, there are only two things to worry about – will you go to heaven or will you go to hell?  If you go to heaven, there’s nothing to worry about. And if you go to hell, you’ll be so busy shaking hands with all your friends that there’s nothing to worry about.   

 

With love,

Michael

Copyright © 2010 Michael Neill. All Rights Reserved
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Law of the Garbage Truck

Monday, August 10th, 2009

I was told this story the other day. What are your thoughts?
‘One day I was in a taxi and we were heading for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, ‘Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your cab and sent us to the hospital!’ This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.’

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you.

Don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.
Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so… love the people who treat you right. Forgive the ones who don’t.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a garbage-free day!’

Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?

20 Tips for dealing with life…

Friday, August 7th, 2009

I’m afraid I don’t know the original author, but I unashamedly pinched this from a forum I belong to. It made my chuckle, but think how true some of them are too. What do you think?

1. Remember… Once you get over the hill, you’ll begin to pick up speed.

2. If it weren’t for STRESS I’d have no energy at all.

3. Whatever hits the fan… Will not be evenly distributed.

4. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don’t have any film.

5. I always know… God won’t give me more than I can handle there are times I just wish He didn’t trust me quite so much.

6. Dogs Have Owners ~ Cats Have Staff

7. If the shoe fits… buy a pair in every colour.

8. Never be too open-minded, your brains may fall out.

9. Just going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car..

10. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

11. If you look like your passport picture… you probably need the trip.

12. Some days are a total waste of makeup.

13. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

16. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

17. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

18. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

19. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

20. Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me… you can’t live long enough to make them all yourself. I’ve tried!!

45 Lessons Life's Taught Me

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

I really enjoyed reading this list after it was shared with me, so I thought I would post to share with you!

Regina Brett is a columnist for The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio. She wrote this a few years ago and then republished when she turned 50 years old (not 90 as reported in some places!).

Regina said “To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”

:
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood… But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Adult brains can change within seconds

Saturday, July 18th, 2009

I unashamedly pinched this post from The Quest Institute website because it so nicely illustrates one of the fundamental thoughts from Cognitive Hypnotherapy, namely that changes in the mind can happen quickly – therefore years and years spent in therapy might be put to better use seeing a brief therapy practitioner such as a Cognitive Hypnotherapist like myself.

This from Trevor Silvester, the founder of Cognitive Hypnotherapy:

Jul 16th, 2009 by Trevor Silvester.
A new report about to be published in the Journal of Neuroscience by scientists working at the Institute for Brain Research at MIT has established that our brains can alter in a matter of seconds. “Our study shows the stunning ability of the brain to adapt to moment-to-moment changes in experience even in adulthood.” states one of the authors.

The changes are too quick for the brain to have grown new connections, and the current theory is that the change is the result of dormant short-term cortical connections being ‘booted up’ in response to some changing circumstance in the person’s environment.

I find this particularly interesting because Cognitive Hypnotherapy is a brief therapy model, and we work on the basis that change -even major change, doesn’t have to take a long time to be achieved. My argument has always been that, if a problem can begin as a result of a short experience, why can’t it be remedied within the same time frame?

This meets with resistance from a lot of psychotherapists and counsellors who are wedded to the idea that ‘change takes time’. As Woody Allen once said “I’ve been in psychoanalysis for fifteen years, and I’m starting to see signs of progress.”

I, and the people we’ve trained as Cognitive Hypnotherapists, regularly see rapid change in clients – most phobias disappear in a single session, and it’s heartening that neuroscience is supporting the notion that the architecture for such rapid change exists within the brain.

You can read about the research here.

Daydreams may solve complex problems

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

This article published on the website Globe and Mail gives an interesting insight into daydreaming and how it may be useful to us.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health/daydreams-may-solve-complex-problems/article1134033/

Letting your mind wander is not a waste of time, according to a new study 

Comments By Marina Jiménez Last updated on Thursday, May. 14, 2009 03:12AM EDT

People spend one third of their waking lives daydreaming. But letting your mind wander is not a waste of time, according to a new study. It’s a chance for the brain to stop focusing on immediate tasks, and subconsciously resolve important life problems.

The study, published yesterday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, shows that brain areas associated with complex problem solving, previously thought to go dormant during daydreaming, are in fact highly active.

“A lot of people reject daydreaming as a wasteful activity,” says Kalina Christoff, the study’s lead author and a University of British Columbia psychology professor. “But our study suggests that if you daydream, you might be able to advance some of your current concerns.”

The study put 15 research subjects through a functional MRI for 90 minutes, to examine the metabolic processes of their brains. They completed a simple, routine task of pushing a button when numbers appeared on a screen.

Prof. Christoff tracked the research subjects’ attentiveness through brain scans, subjective reports and by monitoring their performance of the task. She found that two key regions of the brain were active during daydreaming: the “default network,” associated with easy, routine mental activity, and the brain’s “executive network,” associated with high-level, complex problem-solving.

Usually when one network is working, the other isn’t. It is rare to see them working in tandem, the paper concludes. As well, the brain activity was most active when the research subjects weren’t aware they were daydreaming.

“When your mind wanders, a different kind of thinking occurs,” said Prof. Christoff. “When you aren’t trying to solve problems deliberately, it provides more mental space, you make connections and let your mind go wherever it wants.”

She has long been interested in spontaneous thought – but it is difficult to study because it doesn’t occur on cue. But now studies are being designed that permit scientists to look at the quantity and quality of brain activity during “mind wandering.”

Prof. Christoff says that many of her best research ideas have come to her when she is in the car, daydreaming.

“Driving is the perfect activity for letting your mind wander because it is highly automatized and requires only a small part of our attention,” she said. “When you daydream, you may not achieve your immediate goal, say reading a book or paying attention in class. But your mind may be taking that time to address more important questions in your life.”

She compares it to mulling over a life decision and letting it circulate in your brain, as opposed to deliberately weighing the pros and cons. Prof. Christoff runs UBC’s Cognitive Neuroscience of Thought Laboratory, which studies neural and cognitive mechanisms of human thought, reasoning and problem solving. Her research team for the study included members who are now at Stanford University and the University of California at Santa Barbara.

Sleep and Teenagers

Monday, April 6th, 2009

From Pyschology Today

By John Cline, Ph.D. on April 5, 2009 – 2:40pm in Sleepless in America

On a recent episode of the MTV series “True Life,” a high school student suffering from delayed sleep phase syndrome was followed. She finds it impossible to go to sleep at a regular time, instead staying up until the early hours of the morning and then finding it nearly impossible to get out of bed to go to school. When she does, she is constantly falling asleep and is unable to pay attention to class discussions. This was an accurate depiction of the problems some teens have related to sleep. Teens tend to have three major sleep concerns. One, they are naturally sleepier than younger children or adults. Two, they tend to get insufficient sleep during the week due to academic, social and recreational demands and try to make up for it on the weekend by sleeping late. Three, they have a delayed sleep phase, meaning they want go to bed later and sleep later than other age groups. Given late night activities such as text messaging and video gaming, this propensity can easily become a full fledged delayed sleep phase disorder in which bed time isn’t until 3 or 4 a.m., and the ideal wake up time is pushed to around 12 p.m. This shift in circadian rhythm is facilitated by late night exposure to light, as when looking into a bright computer screen at 2 a.m. Teens almost always sleep late on the weekends. Some teens, however, find it almost impossible to get out of bed on any given day due to their sleep difficulties. This can easily result in missing school and becoming truant. Indeed, studies have shown that teens are sleepier than younger children or older adults. Their sleep is shallower and less restorative than the sleep that younger children get. When allowed to sleep as much as they would like, teens average 9 to 10 hrs per night, but few are getting anywhere near this amount. Indeed, as the start of the school day is earlier for high school than middle school, it is often necessary for high school students to get up as early as 5:30 a.m. to get to school on time. In order to get even nine hours of sleep with such a schedule, it would be necessary to go to bed around 8:30 p.m., which is not likely. Once children become preschoolers, most no longer require naptime, and by nature choose to stay awake. Teens regain the ability to nap and are better able to stay up later than younger children. They are able to over sleep when necessary and regularly do so on weekends and during vacations. Teens also tend to have much more irregular sleep schedules, with greatly different bed and wake up times on weekdays as compared to weekends. This greater flexibility in sleep ability and sleep scheduling can lead to significant disruption of the sleep pattern. As a result of the miss-match between sleep-need and school schedules, insufficient sleep is common among teens. It is estimated that up to 40% of high school and college students are sleep deprived. This may be an underestimate. There are many reasons for this. At this age there is decreasing control exercised by parents. At the same time academic work increases. Many high school students are taking honors and advanced placement classes, often working at a college level. Young people engage in many more social activities such as sports and school clubs. In addition to doing their home work, they also may have to work long hours to earn money for college. Many college students have to essentially be full time students and full time workers due to the current economic challenges. The adolescent years are filled with challenges. Teens take on more adult roles while still having many of the needs of children. They experience the rapid physical and emotional changes of becoming young adults. Many have concerns about their future such as going to college, getting a job and having enough money. Sexual feelings are intense during this time and teenagers have to take on more adult decisions regarding sexuality, the use of alcohol and other drugs, and working out their own value systems which may be different from their parents. During this time distrust of parents or authority figures may develop. All of these worries and concerns can cause arousal that interferes with sleep. As with adults, sleep is often a lower priority for adolescents. This is especially true during the school week when school, homework, sports, after school activities, volunteer work, jobs and socializing seem much more important than sleep. As with adults, few teens can appreciate the benefits of sleep with regard to improved cognitive functioning and mood. If they did, the improved functioning young people would experience might more than off-set the extra time devoted to sleep. There are a number of concerns related to insufficient sleep that go beyond the cognitive, memory and emotional effects. Increased sleepiness results in increased risk for fatigue-related accidents, especially motor vehicle accidents. Laboratory studies have shown that significant sleep loss results in cognitive impairment equivalent to that caused by alcohol intoxication. Not a good thing for new drivers just learning the rules of the road! When young people are getting insufficient sleep, there is impairment of the motivation needed to do well in the class room or on the job. Unintended sleep episodes may occur in the form of falling asleep in class or on a job, or behind the wheel of a car. Indeed, students with a C average or below typically report getting less sleep and having a more irregular sleep schedule than students with better grades. While the above issues are the most common ones for sleep problems among young people, a number of other sleep disorders are also potentially problematic. For example, narcolepsy usually appears in adolescence or early adulthood and about 50% of people with narcolepsy will have some symptoms by age 16. Another significant concern is the impact of the increasing obesity in our society. Obesity can increase the risk for sleep apnea in young people just as it does in older individuals. The long term impact of sleep apnea can have severe implications for health and well being. In the next post, I will discuss some ways to help teens keep from being sleepless in America.

Experiences make us happier than things

Monday, March 30th, 2009

Here’s a new twist on the ‘money doesn’t make you happy’ senario from Startribune.com. It would certainly stand to reason that experiences have the possibility to make us happier, simply because memories last longer than material things generally – but do they need to be ‘good’ experiences? I suppose they do …

Experiences make us happier than things By SHARI ROAN, Los Angeles Times Last update: March 29, 2009 – 12:59 PM

Money is an emotional issue, especially during economic hard times. Social scientists have always warned that once a person’s basic needs are met, money doesn’t buy happiness. But if you’re wondering, or maybe even arguing over, what to do with any precious discretionary income these days, a new study suggests how to get the biggest emotional bang for your buck.

Ryan Howell, an assistant professor of psychology at San Francisco State University, found that buying experiences — such as vacations, going to the theater or renting a sailboat — gave people more happiness than buying material things.

The study, of 154 people ages 19 to 50, showed that experiences increase happiness because they are often social in nature. In addition, however, experiences tend to make people feel more alive.

“People report a sense of feeling invigorated or inspired,” Howell said.

Experiences might also yield more happiness because people are left with positive memories, a sort of return on their investment.

“It’s not that material things don’t bring any happiness. It’s just that they don’t bring as much,” Howell said. “You’re happy with a new television set. But you’re thrilled with a vacation.”

The study might yield some lessons for Americans in despair over the recession. “For whatever you can afford, you’ll maximize your happiness, and the happiness of others around you, if you spend it on a life experience,” he said.

It doesn’t matter how much money you spend, either.

“Whether you spent a little or a lot on the life experience, you still have the same level of happiness,” he said.

The study was presented recently at an annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology and will be published this year in the Journal of Positive Psychology.

Video Games Can Encourage Positive Behavior, Too

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

With so much bad press for video games and the people who partake in them, this article  from Miller-McCune makes a refreshing change

 By: Tom Jacobs  |  March 27, 2009  |  01:07 PM (PDT)  |  

 

If violent video games encourage violent behavior, as a series of studies suggests, do prosocial games — those that reward helpful behavior — inspire players to act in more constructive, cooperative ways? A newly published paper, featuring studies of three different age groups in three different countries, suggests the answer is yes.

“Video games are not inherently good or bad,” concludes the team of 12 researchers led by psychologist Douglas Gentile of Iowa State University. Their findings suggest this popular form of entertainment “can have both positive and negative effects.”

The paper, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, begins with a survey of secondary school students in Singapore (adolescents in the equivalent of seventh or eighth grade). They listed their favorite games, the number of hours they spend playing them each week and how often the games involve a) helping others, or b) hurting or killing others.

They were then asked a series of questions to measure their emotional awareness and empathy for others. After controlling for several variables, “prosocial game exposure was positively related to prosocial behavior,” the researchers report.

The second survey was of fifth-, eighth- and eleventh-grade students in Japan. They were asked how often in the past month they had played games in which characters help troubled people, or games in which friendship or a positive parent-child relationship was featured.

Finally, the youngsters were asked how often in the previous month they had acted in one of four specific helpful ways (such as “I helped a person who was in trouble”). The researchers discovered a strong relationship between playing prosocial games and self-reported prosocial behavior.

For the third study, the researchers conducted an experiment using 161 American college students, who were randomly assigned to play specific parts of one of six video games. Two of the games were violent (Ty2 and Crash Trinsanity), two were neutral (Pure Pinball and Super Monkey Ball Deluxe), and two were deemed prosocial: Chibi Robo, in which the goal is to make your family happy by cleaning up and helping out with the chores; and Super Mario Sunshine, in which players gain points by cleaning up a polluted island.

After playing one of the games for 20 minutes, participants were asked to assign a partner 11 puzzles to complete. They were told that if their partners completed 10 of the puzzles within 10 minutes, the partner would win a $10 gift certificate. They could choose puzzles from one of three difficulty levels, depending upon whether they were disposed to help their partner win the prize, or to place difficulties in his or her path.

The researchers found that “participants who played a prosocial game helped their partners significantly more than did either those who had played a violent game, or those who had played a neutral game.” Furthermore, “the violent gamers hurt their partners significantly more than did either those who had played a prosocial game or those who had played a neutral game.”

Taken together, the three studies found that “prosocial game play was significantly positively related to all four measured prosocial behaviors and traits” — helping behavior, cooperation and sharing, empathy and emotional awareness. These findings complement a 2008 study from Britain that found listening to songs with prosocial lyrics encourages charitable behavior.

According to Gentile and his colleagues, these results “make it clear how critical it is to separate amount of play from the content of play.” In other words, video game playing per se isn’t the issue: Rather, the important factor is the underlying messages contained in specific games.

“Content matters,” they conclude, “and games are excellent teachers.”