Archive for the ‘Cognitive hypnotherapy’ Category

Family under the microscope

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

This peice by Oliver James in The Guardian, Saturday 2 January 2010 gives an interesting perspective on relationship councilling, and is one that as a cognitive hypnotherapist, has long been the way that we might approach ‘couples work’.

Psychotherapy, not counselling, might be the answer if your relationship’s in trouble

When things get nasty between partners, we usually accuse the other of being either mad or bad. While the badness factor has not been much studied, the evidence shows that emotional distress in one or both partners is a major cause of divorce. There are vital implications.

In my book Britain on the Couch, I present eight studies that tested the mental health and personalities of couples before they married and then followed them up. In all of these, premarital “neuroticism” in either partner (including mild or severe depression) and “lack of impulse control” in the male partner predicted divorce, compared with couples without these traits.

For example, one study examined 300 couples in 1940 before they were married and followed them up in 1980. Divorce was significantly more likely in couples where one or both had had pre-marital emotional problems: divorce was more common in those of both sexes who, 40 years before, had been high in neuroticism and in men with a lack of impulse control.

The authors’ conclusion repays quotation: “In marital relationships, neuroticism acts to bring about distress, and the other traits of the husband help to determine whether the distress is brought to a head (in divorce) or suffered passively (in a stable but unsatisfactory marriage).”

That the problems predate the couple meeting is suggested by a study that examined a large sample of 16-year-old girls, before they had even met their husbands. High neuroticism at that age predicted subsequent increased risk of divorce.

Unfortunately, this evidence tends to be completely ignored by relationship counsellors. They have been trained to focus on the ways in which incompatibility is causing the problem. The trouble is that one partner may be depressed, or anxious, or abusing substances, or markedly unstable because of a personality disorder (such as “me, me, me” narcissism). These kinds of disturbance can be by far the most significant cause of the problems in the couple, yet counsellors will always seek to find ways in which both partners are contributing and then tinker with how they communicate.

A recent study showed how incorrect this “bit of both” thinking often is. The individuals in 3,230 American couples had their mental health measured and were tracked for three years, by which point, 10% had separated. If one partner had a mental-health problem at the start, the couple were twice as likely to have separated than couples in which neither did. If both had a problem, they were nearly five times more likely to separate.

Clearly, if one or both partners are having emotional problems, separation is more likely. But the study also showed that it was the independent effect of the individual’s problems that was most critical, rather than the impact of them on the relationship.

These are strong grounds for a rethink about what is going wrong in your relationship and what kind of help is required: if you are unhappy, be very wary indeed of blaming it on the relationship. Incompatibility does exist, but bear in mind that the sort of people who separate are also liable to have suffered childhood maltreatment and be distressed. Individual psychoanalytic psychotherapy is what that person needs, not counselling.

In Britain on the Couch, I used the term “gender rancour” to describe the current battle of the sexes, claiming that there may never have been a time when we got on worse. Mostly, the solution lies in individual treatment.

New study: Butterworth, P et al, 2008, Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 43, 758-63. More Oliver James at selfishcapitalist.com

The Problem with Problem Solving

Monday, December 7th, 2009
As I have mentioned before, I receive a weekly email from a great coach, Michael Neill. I received this today and thought it worth sharing with you. With his permission, here it is:
 
 
A couple of weeks ago, a marketing expert was shotgunning me with suggestions about what I needed to do to once people had signed up for Supercoach Academy. After listening to him for awhile, somewhat confused by the array of to-do’s he was putting forward, I asked him why he thought I needed to do all those things.
 
He looked at me curiously. ”To prevent buyer’s remorse – after all, research has shown…”  
What followed was an in-depth explanation of why this was so important, and suddenly I understood why I hadn’t been understanding him.

“The reason this hasn’t been making any sense,” I explained, “is because you’re trying to help me solve a problem I don’t actually have.”

A few days later, a client was explaining to me his concerns about his big break – his first gig in front of over 1000 people.  He wanted tips on how to find the “extra” confidence to make his performance “really, really, really good”.

I told him that I could share tips with him, but what would make the biggest difference was to have fun and not try to make this performance any different to any of the ones he had done that had led to this opportunity.

As I explained it to him, here’s how the problem-solving cycle usually works:

  • Something happens.
    (In this case, he got offered a great gig.)  
  • We imagine all the bad things – “problems” – which might happen as a result of it. 
    (In this case, what would happen if he suddenly lost his nerve in front of all those people and “blew his big chance”.)
  • We then “problem-solve” by doing things to prevent the bad things we’ve imagined from happening.
    (In this case, try to learn confidence tricks and techniques to “ensure” that nothing will go wrong.)

The problem is, apart from the original event, nothing’s actually happened except our over-reaction in the physical world to the problems in our imagination! 

He didn’t quite seem to get what I meant, I told him the following story:

 

Imagine that it’s the Wild West and you are surrounded by hostile Indians. Your only hope is if the cavalry comes to save you. Just as you are about to abandon all hope, you hear hoofbeats in the distance and see a lone rider coming towards you at a gallop.  He pulls up beside you, leans down from his horse, and in a voice dry and crackling from the trail, says “I’ve got some bad news and I’ve got some good news…”"The bad news is that the cavalry’s not coming. The good news is, this isn’t the Wild West and there aren’t any Indians.” 


He laughed, and called me a couple of days later to tell me the gig had gone phenomenally well.  
What can we learn from all this? 
There will never be enough techniques to solve problems that don’t actually exist.

Have fun, learn heaps, and relax… while life will always have its ups and downs, coping with them is inevitably much simpler than you think.

With love,

Michael

www.geniuscatalyst.com

Eating Quickly Is Associated With Overeating, Study Indicates

Friday, November 13th, 2009

 

ScienceDaily (Nov. 4, 2009) — According to a new study accepted for publication in The Endocrine Society’s Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism (JCEM), eating a meal quickly, as compared to slowly, curtails the release of hormones in the gut that induce feelings of being full. The decreased release of these hormones, can often lead to overeating.

“Most of us have heard that eating fast can lead to food overconsumption and obesity, and in fact some observational studies have supported this notion,” said Alexander Kokkinos, MD, PhD, of Laiko General Hospital in Athens Greece and lead author of the study. “Our study provides a possible explanation for the relationship between speed eating and overeating by showing that the rate at which someone eats may impact the release of gut hormones that signal the brain to stop eating.”

In the last few years, research regarding gut hormones, such as peptide YY (PYY) and glucagon-like peptide (GLP-1), has shown that their release after a meal acts on the brain and induces satiety and meal termination. Until now, concentrations of appetite-regulating hormones have not been examined in the context of different rates of eating.

In this study, subjects consumed the same test meal, 300ml of ice-cream, at different rates. Researchers took blood samples for the measurement of glucose, insulin, plasma lipids and gut hormones before the meal and at 30 minute intervals after the beginning of eating, until the end of the session, 210 minutes later. Researchers found that subjects who took the full 30 minutes to finish the ice cream had higher concentrations of PYY and GLP-1 and also tended to have a higher fullness rating.

“Our findings give some insight into an aspect of modern-day food overconsumption, namely the fact that many people, pressed by demanding working and living conditions, eat faster and in greater amounts than in the past,” said Kokkinos. “The warning we were given as children that ‘wolfing down your food will make you fat,’ may in fact have a physiological explanation.”

Other researchers working on the study include Kleopatra Alexiadou, Nicholas Tentolouris, Despoina Kyriaki, Despoina Perrea and Nicholas Katsilambros of Athens University Medical School in Greece; and Carel le Roux, Royce Vincent, Mohammad Ghatei and Stephen Bloom of Imperial College in London, United Kingdom.

Arachnophobia: A web of fear

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

From The Independent Newspaper, Tuesday 6th October, this article, which may make many readers shudded with fear. If you are one of those that would be affected that way, read on to find out how it can be a thing of the past …

Spiders are everywhere this autumn – and that means a living hell for arachnophobes. But they can learn to beat the terror, discovers Holly Williams

But the extra arachnids won’t brighten everyone’s autumn – fear of spiders is one of our most common phobias. Arachnophobia can range from the common-or-garden dislike of their long legs and weird walk, through to seriously debilitating anxiety attacks which can dominate the sufferer’s life.

“Phobias can get very severe – they can stop people taking holidays or lead to a heightened sense of anxiety where people can’t quite relax. People can become prisoners in their own homes,” says psychologist and hypnotherapist Felix Economakis, who helped cure extreme phobics on BBC3 show The Panic Room.

A phobia is an anxiety disorder caused by a powerful fear of any object or situation that wouldn’t normally cause alarm. They are essentially irrational: spiders in this country are harmless, sufferers know spiders are harmless, yet they still cause serious distress.

Bridget O’Connell, from the mental health charity Mind, explains: “Many of us have fears which we acknowledge are irrational, but it can get to the point when people are unable to go out. It can get so bad that even a mental image can cause intense dread and fear.”

Phobics experience panic attacks, an extreme fight-or-flight reaction in the face of danger, characterised by physical symptoms such as a racing heart, sweating, trembling, dizziness and shortness of breath. “People feel they are having some kind of heart attack, that they are actually going to die,” says O’Connell.

Jo Evans, who used to deal with spiders by squirting them to death with ketchup, said that the mere sight of the creatures used to cause her “sheer panic and terror. I would be frozen on the spot. Rational thought goes out of the window and your only thoughts are to get rid of that little object of terror!”

Of course, not everyone with an aversion to spiders has such an extreme reaction, but a shudder is a common response. We’ve all been in a room when a “spider situation” occurs and there’s no one who can bring themselves to touch it. “There’s really nothing very lovely about them,” says Economakis. “Some people hate the scuttling; for others it’s the look or the feel of them. They are predatory animals, rather than being pretty or cuddly.”

But aside from the niggling feeling that a creature that spins its home from its bum and crawls around on eight legs is just a bit wrong (especially when said legs are hairier than a hippie’s in wintertime), are there serious reasons lurking behind our spider fear?

Economakis suggests: “There is evidence for evolutionary avoidance of dangerous animals like scorpions, snakes and spiders. These are atavistic fears, which are a throwback to earlier days.” Our wise ancestors avoided creepy-crawlies which might have delivered a nasty nip, leaving us with an evolutionary hangover whereby removing a harmless house spider from the bath requires nerves of steel.

Of course, this theory doesn’t account for why some people can’t even look at a picture of them, while others think they are cute. It is thought phobias may be triggered by a traumatic childhood event, a nasty experience with a spider, or an association between a spider and an unrelated unpleasant event.

But with a disorder as common as arachnophobia, learnt behaviour is a significant contributor. As children we copy those around us; if they freak out at the sight of the eight-legged ones we may respond likewise. “You learn arachnophobia – that’s the main reason for it being so common,” says Nik Speakman, half of a husband and wife psychotherapist team. “Children have heard the mother scream, which puts them in a heightened state, then they see the spider.”

The good news for arachnophobes is that treatment has a high success rate. Economakis recommends hypnosis. “There are modern therapies available,” he says. “A hypnotherapist could cure arachnophobia in one session.” A slower approach, possibly taking months, is gradual exposure: looking at drawings of spiders, working up to photographs and handling the real thing.

Speakman also works with arachnophobics to break the subconscious link between spiders and the fight-or-flight response. Ben Clarke, who featured on The Apprentice this year, overcame his fear through the Speakmans’ use of various brain reprogramming exercises on Channel 4’s Big Brother’s Little Brother in July. By the end of the show he could pick up a tarantula with bare hands.

“I had a sort of primal fear of big, hairy spiders,” he says. “I was afraid it would stick its big fangs in me. But I’m totally cool with them now. I didn’t like picking it up but it was fine – it’s like your brain is just numb.”

O’Connell is also positive about treatment: “What seems to work best is cognitive behavioural therapy, possibly with medication to reduce the anxiety. CBT helps people un-pair the fear and the object, to create new ways of thinking about spiders.” She advises people to acknowledge fear of spiders can be a serious condition, an opinion not always widely held. Despite – or because of – arachnophobia being so common, sufferers can feel dismissed by constant comments of ‘it’s only a spider, it can’t hurt you – it’s more afraid of you’. It is no more irrational than any other phobia.

“People need to accept what they are feeling is real, it’s not silly,” says O’Connell. “It’s not a logic thing – it doesn’t work to rationalise that spiders are harmless. Sufferers know that, so trying to be logical may make things worse.” Instead she recommends setting yourself tasks, small sensible steps – like walking past a web – and giving yourself a reward. Perhaps autumn’s spider boom will provide an opportunity to face those fears ? one web at a time.

Eating late at night adds weight

Friday, September 4th, 2009

This article comes from the BBC News website could be of interest to anyone watching their weight.
 
By Sudeep Chand
Health reporter, BBC News

 

Late-night snackers are more likely to gain weight, research suggests.

A team from Northwestern University, Illinois, found that when you eat, not just how you eat, could make a big difference.

Scientists found that when mice ate at unusual hours, they put on twice as much weight, despite exercising and eating as much as others.

The study, in the journal Obesity, is said to be the first to show directly that there is a “wrong” time to eat.

 

How or why a person gains weight is very complicated – but it is clearly not just calories in and calories out
Fred Turek
Center for Sleep and Circadian Biology

Recent studies have suggested that circadian rhythms, the body’s internal clock, have a role in how our bodies use up energy. However, this had been difficult to definitively pin down.

Deanna Arble, lead author of the study, said: “One of our research interests is shift workers, who tend to be overweight.

“This got us thinking that eating at the wrong time of day might be contributing to weight gain.”

The experiment looked at two groups of mice over a six-week period. Both groups were fed a high-fat diet, but at different times of the mice “waking cycle”.

One group of mice ate at times when they would normally be asleep. They put on twice as much weight.

This was despite them doing the same level of activity, and eating the same amount of food, as the other mice.

Groundbreaking

The findings may have implications for people worried about their weight.

“How or why a person gains weight is very complicated, but it is clearly not just calories in and calories out,” said Fred Turek, from the Northwestern’s Center for Sleep and Circadian Biology, where the research took place.

“Better timing of meals could be a critical element in slowing the ever-increasing incidence of obesity.”

Tam Fry, from the National Obesity Forum, agreed. He said: “It is groundbreaking. It really gets you thinking why this has not been done before.

“It could be very dramatic if it affects whether you are going to get fat or not.”

At this stage, the results could still be interpreted as controversial when applied to humans.

The scientists now hope they can find out more about how the process works. It is thought that sleep, hormones and body temperature all play a part in how we gain weight.

Law of the Garbage Truck

Monday, August 10th, 2009

I was told this story the other day. What are your thoughts?
‘One day I was in a taxi and we were heading for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, ‘Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your cab and sent us to the hospital!’ This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.’

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you.

Don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.
Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so… love the people who treat you right. Forgive the ones who don’t.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a garbage-free day!’

Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?

20 Tips for dealing with life…

Friday, August 7th, 2009

I’m afraid I don’t know the original author, but I unashamedly pinched this from a forum I belong to. It made my chuckle, but think how true some of them are too. What do you think?

1. Remember… Once you get over the hill, you’ll begin to pick up speed.

2. If it weren’t for STRESS I’d have no energy at all.

3. Whatever hits the fan… Will not be evenly distributed.

4. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don’t have any film.

5. I always know… God won’t give me more than I can handle there are times I just wish He didn’t trust me quite so much.

6. Dogs Have Owners ~ Cats Have Staff

7. If the shoe fits… buy a pair in every colour.

8. Never be too open-minded, your brains may fall out.

9. Just going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car..

10. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

11. If you look like your passport picture… you probably need the trip.

12. Some days are a total waste of makeup.

13. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

16. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

17. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

18. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

19. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

20. Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me… you can’t live long enough to make them all yourself. I’ve tried!!

45 Lessons Life's Taught Me

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

I really enjoyed reading this list after it was shared with me, so I thought I would post to share with you!

Regina Brett is a columnist for The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio. She wrote this a few years ago and then republished when she turned 50 years old (not 90 as reported in some places!).

Regina said “To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”

:
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood… But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Adult brains can change within seconds

Saturday, July 18th, 2009

I unashamedly pinched this post from The Quest Institute website because it so nicely illustrates one of the fundamental thoughts from Cognitive Hypnotherapy, namely that changes in the mind can happen quickly – therefore years and years spent in therapy might be put to better use seeing a brief therapy practitioner such as a Cognitive Hypnotherapist like myself.

This from Trevor Silvester, the founder of Cognitive Hypnotherapy:

Jul 16th, 2009 by Trevor Silvester.
A new report about to be published in the Journal of Neuroscience by scientists working at the Institute for Brain Research at MIT has established that our brains can alter in a matter of seconds. “Our study shows the stunning ability of the brain to adapt to moment-to-moment changes in experience even in adulthood.” states one of the authors.

The changes are too quick for the brain to have grown new connections, and the current theory is that the change is the result of dormant short-term cortical connections being ‘booted up’ in response to some changing circumstance in the person’s environment.

I find this particularly interesting because Cognitive Hypnotherapy is a brief therapy model, and we work on the basis that change -even major change, doesn’t have to take a long time to be achieved. My argument has always been that, if a problem can begin as a result of a short experience, why can’t it be remedied within the same time frame?

This meets with resistance from a lot of psychotherapists and counsellors who are wedded to the idea that ‘change takes time’. As Woody Allen once said “I’ve been in psychoanalysis for fifteen years, and I’m starting to see signs of progress.”

I, and the people we’ve trained as Cognitive Hypnotherapists, regularly see rapid change in clients – most phobias disappear in a single session, and it’s heartening that neuroscience is supporting the notion that the architecture for such rapid change exists within the brain.

You can read about the research here.

The Five Love Languages

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

I spent a very pleasant evening yesterday in the company of my peers of Cognitive Hypnotherapists at a talk organised by the company I did my training with, The Quest Institute (www.questinstitute.co.uk) listening to a talk by one of the graduates, Russell Davies on The Five Love Languages.

The Five Love Languages talk developed from the ideas of a book by the same name, written by Gary Chapman. The premise is that we all have a preference for the way we show love to others and the way we would want to be shown it by others. By communicating our love in a way that the other person can understand it we are more likely to be successful in getting the meaning of the communication that we want.

The trouble is, we can have a tendency to show love in the way we prefer to receive it. Unfortunately this may not be in the same way as our partner prefers to receive it! By understanding your preferred way, you can begin to understand your partners as well and enhance your relationship.

Of course, when I talk about ‘love’, I’m not merely talking about it from the romantic perspective, but within any relationship that we have with other people. However, I will be referring to ‘partners’ here, purely for simplicity.

WARNING: understanding your partner’s love language can radically effect their behaviour!

So, here they are:

1 Words of Affirmation

Does criticism crush you? Do you feel especially loved when someone expresses his or her gratitude for you?
Some people like to be told they are loved – they need it to be said out loud. This can be done in a number of ways, of course, not just saying those three little words:

 Try simple compliments
 Use encouraging words
 Include kind and humble words (don’t forget the tone of voice should match the words!)
 There should be absence of criticism or judgement

2 Quality Time

Do you feel especially loved when someone gives you his or her undivided attention? With this preference, your partner’s way of knowing they are loved would be to spend good, quality time together. Again, there are many ways to do this, including:

 Giving your undivided attention
 Doing quality activities together (the things they would want to do, not you)
 Having quality conversations (real, honest learning, listening and talking)
 Offering understanding to problems, not necessarily solutions to them
 Demonstrating that understanding (using clarification when necessary)
 Learning to talk by sharing feelings

3 Gifts

Do you feel especially loved when someone gives you a gift or another tangible expression of his or her love? This can be high on some people list of importance. It need not necessarily be expensive, but is seen as an outward sign of the love you share. They can be:

 Symbols of love
 Bought, made or found
 The gift of yourself just by being present

4 Acts of Service

Do you feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help you or helps with the chores? Quite often it is easy to get into the situation within a relationship, where there is almost a demarcation of who does what job. When there is a preference for love to be shown, it may mean doing something that you might not ordinarily do. Make sure:

 You are doing what they want to do, not what you want to do
 Do what’s most important to them

5 Physical Touch

Do you feel especially loved when someone expresses their love through physical contact. A hug can say more than a hundred words to the person whose love language is physical touch. It can be:

 Powerful
 Explicit (massage or holding hands)
 Implicit (a glancing touch when passing)
 Not just about sex

Communicating love to your partner in their preferred love language can transform your relationship, as they will feel emotionally loved and wanted. You might think ‘what’s in it for me?’ Well, they will automatically respond and reflect that love back to you. And if they don’t seem to understand your preferential love language, tell them how you like to feel loved. See if you can identify your partners primary love language and then do something to express your love to them in that way and watch the transformation unfold.