Archive for July, 2009

45 Lessons Life's Taught Me

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

I really enjoyed reading this list after it was shared with me, so I thought I would post to share with you!

Regina Brett is a columnist for The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio. She wrote this a few years ago and then republished when she turned 50 years old (not 90 as reported in some places!).

Regina said “To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”

:
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood… But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Adult brains can change within seconds

Saturday, July 18th, 2009

I unashamedly pinched this post from The Quest Institute website because it so nicely illustrates one of the fundamental thoughts from Cognitive Hypnotherapy, namely that changes in the mind can happen quickly – therefore years and years spent in therapy might be put to better use seeing a brief therapy practitioner such as a Cognitive Hypnotherapist like myself.

This from Trevor Silvester, the founder of Cognitive Hypnotherapy:

Jul 16th, 2009 by Trevor Silvester.
A new report about to be published in the Journal of Neuroscience by scientists working at the Institute for Brain Research at MIT has established that our brains can alter in a matter of seconds. “Our study shows the stunning ability of the brain to adapt to moment-to-moment changes in experience even in adulthood.” states one of the authors.

The changes are too quick for the brain to have grown new connections, and the current theory is that the change is the result of dormant short-term cortical connections being ‘booted up’ in response to some changing circumstance in the person’s environment.

I find this particularly interesting because Cognitive Hypnotherapy is a brief therapy model, and we work on the basis that change -even major change, doesn’t have to take a long time to be achieved. My argument has always been that, if a problem can begin as a result of a short experience, why can’t it be remedied within the same time frame?

This meets with resistance from a lot of psychotherapists and counsellors who are wedded to the idea that ‘change takes time’. As Woody Allen once said “I’ve been in psychoanalysis for fifteen years, and I’m starting to see signs of progress.”

I, and the people we’ve trained as Cognitive Hypnotherapists, regularly see rapid change in clients – most phobias disappear in a single session, and it’s heartening that neuroscience is supporting the notion that the architecture for such rapid change exists within the brain.

You can read about the research here.

The Five Love Languages

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

I spent a very pleasant evening yesterday in the company of my peers of Cognitive Hypnotherapists at a talk organised by the company I did my training with, The Quest Institute (www.questinstitute.co.uk) listening to a talk by one of the graduates, Russell Davies on The Five Love Languages.

The Five Love Languages talk developed from the ideas of a book by the same name, written by Gary Chapman. The premise is that we all have a preference for the way we show love to others and the way we would want to be shown it by others. By communicating our love in a way that the other person can understand it we are more likely to be successful in getting the meaning of the communication that we want.

The trouble is, we can have a tendency to show love in the way we prefer to receive it. Unfortunately this may not be in the same way as our partner prefers to receive it! By understanding your preferred way, you can begin to understand your partners as well and enhance your relationship.

Of course, when I talk about ‘love’, I’m not merely talking about it from the romantic perspective, but within any relationship that we have with other people. However, I will be referring to ‘partners’ here, purely for simplicity.

WARNING: understanding your partner’s love language can radically effect their behaviour!

So, here they are:

1 Words of Affirmation

Does criticism crush you? Do you feel especially loved when someone expresses his or her gratitude for you?
Some people like to be told they are loved – they need it to be said out loud. This can be done in a number of ways, of course, not just saying those three little words:

 Try simple compliments
 Use encouraging words
 Include kind and humble words (don’t forget the tone of voice should match the words!)
 There should be absence of criticism or judgement

2 Quality Time

Do you feel especially loved when someone gives you his or her undivided attention? With this preference, your partner’s way of knowing they are loved would be to spend good, quality time together. Again, there are many ways to do this, including:

 Giving your undivided attention
 Doing quality activities together (the things they would want to do, not you)
 Having quality conversations (real, honest learning, listening and talking)
 Offering understanding to problems, not necessarily solutions to them
 Demonstrating that understanding (using clarification when necessary)
 Learning to talk by sharing feelings

3 Gifts

Do you feel especially loved when someone gives you a gift or another tangible expression of his or her love? This can be high on some people list of importance. It need not necessarily be expensive, but is seen as an outward sign of the love you share. They can be:

 Symbols of love
 Bought, made or found
 The gift of yourself just by being present

4 Acts of Service

Do you feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help you or helps with the chores? Quite often it is easy to get into the situation within a relationship, where there is almost a demarcation of who does what job. When there is a preference for love to be shown, it may mean doing something that you might not ordinarily do. Make sure:

 You are doing what they want to do, not what you want to do
 Do what’s most important to them

5 Physical Touch

Do you feel especially loved when someone expresses their love through physical contact. A hug can say more than a hundred words to the person whose love language is physical touch. It can be:

 Powerful
 Explicit (massage or holding hands)
 Implicit (a glancing touch when passing)
 Not just about sex

Communicating love to your partner in their preferred love language can transform your relationship, as they will feel emotionally loved and wanted. You might think ‘what’s in it for me?’ Well, they will automatically respond and reflect that love back to you. And if they don’t seem to understand your preferential love language, tell them how you like to feel loved. See if you can identify your partners primary love language and then do something to express your love to them in that way and watch the transformation unfold.

Weight off my mind: I was hypnotised into thinking I'd had a gastric band fitted… and was astonished by the results

Friday, July 3rd, 2009

This isn’t the first time that have posted an article about this treatment plan, but this one, in the Mail on Line goes into so much detail about the procedure that I thought it was worth posting.

The treatment that this married couple in Spain are providing is a great example of sensory distortion, and is something that Cognitive Hypnotherapy has been using for years with great results. So, you don’t have to travel to Spain to get a very similar treatment. Give me a call to find out what’s possible.

www.anitamitchell.co.uk

By Claudia Connell
Last updated at 8:15 AM on 03rd July 2009
Comments (32) Add to My Stories

Is this the weirdest weight-loss idea ever? You get hypnotised into thinking you’ve had gastric band surgery and will never need to eat so much again – and it works…

Lying on a hospital trolley, feeling pleasantly woozy from the recently administered pre-med, I am about to be wheeled down to theatre to have my gastric band fitted.

I can hear the noises of a busy hospital and am aware of that very distinct clinical smell. Despite what lies ahead, I don’t feel in the least bit anxious as the anaesthetist puts me under and the surgeon prepares his scalpel for that first incision.

Perhaps my calm state of mind is because I am relieved to finally be addressing the weight problems I have struggled with for two years – but, in reality, it’s far more likely to be due to the fact that I am not in a hospital at all but reclining on a comfy chair, under hypnosis and in a state of deep relaxation, in a therapy room on Spain’s Costa Del Sol.

You see I’m not actually having a gastric band fitted, I am being hypnotised into believing it as part of an innovative new weight loss treatment.

As Britain’s obesity rates soar, demand for gastric band surgery has never been higher. The success stories of celebrities such as Fern Britton and Sharon Osbourne have encouraged thousands to follow in their footsteps.

Some desperate dieters will happily pay the £8,000 themselves while, controversially, many NHS trusts now offer the treatment free in the belief it is more cost effective in the long-term than allowing people to remain overweight.

But there is no denying that the procedure is complicated and risky and often leads to many unpleasant and painful side effects such as vomiting, diarrhoea and acid reflux.

Now, two Spanish-based British therapists are convinced they have hit upon an ingenious way to help overweight people shed the pounds without undergoing any dangerous surgical procedures – by hypnotising patients into believing that they have had their stomachs reduced.

When the Mail ran the story of Marion Corns, who had undergone the procedure called the Gastric Mind Band, showing how she had shed three stone in four months, the clinic was inundated with calls from people all over the world wanting treatment.

But can an overeater like me really be tricked into believing that my stomach is the size of a golf ball and that I will no longer be able to eat the gluttonous portions I’d previously been gorging on?

Given that I am piling on the pounds and going up a dress size every six months, I’m more than willing to give it a try.

The Elite Clinic in Fuengirola is run by an expat married couple – Martin and Marion Shirran, both therapists with ten years’ experience of helping patients conquer addictions and disorders, from drug use to panic attacks.

When an overweight patient remarked that she was terrified of surgery and wished she could be hypnotised into believing she had a gastric band, Marion realised there was no reason why this could not be done.

She spent the next few months watching videos of the procedure and devising the gastric mind band programme. Her very first guinea pig was husband Martin, who lost five stone.

Other patients report a good response to the extent that they claim they have a success rate of 80 per cent – higher than actually having the surgical procedure which only works for 70 per cent of people.

I am piling on the pounds and going up a dress size every six months, I’m more than willing to give it a try Perhaps the E995 euro bill (that’s around £853) might be worth it after all.

But could it work for me, the world’s most cynical woman who thinks that any kind of alternative therapy is a load of nonsense and that if something works then it works, regardless of whether you have faith in it?

After all, I don’t ‘have faith’ when I take two paracetemol for a crashing headache, I know the drug will do its job.

I was relieved to arrive at the smart, marble-floored clinic and find that Martin and Marion were friendly and good humoured; not the hippy dippy, tie-dye-wearing types that I expected.

My therapy had been arranged over a course of four days with the virtual surgery coming at the very end.

At my first session, Marion wants to get a picture of my attitude to food and diet and to examine my history of yo-yo weight gain.

My blood pressure and resting heart rate are taken and are both very healthy.

I also know that I have the cholesterol level and liver function of a child – from blood tests I had taken.

The doctor was so impressed by my liver function he assumed I was teetotal.

Of course this clean bill of health doesn’t help with my attitude to weight loss. If I had high blood pressure or cholesterol, it might spur me on to shift the flab.

Marion asks leading questions such as: Do I always leave a clean plate? Do I eat until I feel uncomfortable? Do I reward myself with food treats? Needless to say I answer ‘yes’ to all of these.

Unlike many overweight people I was not a heavy child – in fact, I was always a skinny Minnie with arms and legs like matchsticks.
I was a size 8-10 in my teens and 20s and filled out to a fuller figured size 12 in my late 30s.

Now 43, I am a size 16, and 12 1/2st and with a BMI that is getting dangerously close to the ‘obese’ category – and I hate it. I don’t want to be fat any more.

Marion asks me to explain why I hate being fat, and want to be slim again. Not usually a person that is down on myself, to my surprise, when I look in the mirror I say that I see a dumpy, middle-aged woman, not the vibrant, youthful-looking person I was just a few years ago. I feel old and sluggish.

She also asks me if I have a dress in my wardrobe that I love, that doesn’t fit me but that I am holding on to as I really want to get into it again.

I do: it’s a beautiful pink beaded shift dress that cost a small fortune and that I wore to Ladies Day at Ascot five years ago.

It’s a very small size 10 – and when I bought it I had it taken in!

The three-hour session ends with hypnotherapy, something I’ve never had before. In fact, other than the cheesy entertainment kind, where a person is told to jump up and dance like a gorilla every time a whistle is blown, hypnosis is not something I know a great deal about.
I rather expect Marion to produce a large watch on a chain and tell me I am feeling very sleepy.

Instead my pulse is monitored and I’m told to lie back and relax while Marion talks to me in soothing tones about being at a crossroads in my life where I can take one of two roads.

The first is the old familiar road, lined with sweet wrappers and takeaway boxes and declines sharply downhill. The second is a tougher, uphill road that is a struggle to climb but it leads to happiness, peace and contentment.

I am told that every time I pick up a spoon an image of me in my pink dress will jump into my mind and I will see that nothing I eat will taste as good as the feeling of being size 10 again.

During the hypno session, my pulse rate had dropped from 70 beats per minute to 57 (the level is in the 40s when you are asleep) which showed that, despite my scepticism, I am in a state of deep relaxation and, therefore, my subconscious is susceptible to suggestion and instruction.

I come to feeling like a zombie and as though I have been under for several hours when it is only about 30 minutes.

Later that evening when I go out to eat, I am presented with a huge bowl pasta which, strangely, looks unappealing to me even though it’s my favourite dish. The plate is groaning under the weight of the food and for what must be the first time in years I only manage to eat a third of it. What’s happening to me?

At my next session with Marion, she measures my resting metabolic rate: this will tell me how efficiently my body burns calories and how many it needs on a daily basis.

I must look like a crazed Stepford wife as I sit in the hotel breakfast hall chewing slowlyThe result reveals that I burn 1,600 calories a day. A non-dieting woman will, averagely, consume 2,000 calories a day which means I have 400 extra calories that are not being burnt and are turning to fat.

If I cut my calorie intake to 1,300 a day, I can lose a pound a week – if I exercise as well I can double that.

We also discuss portion sizes, where Marion reveals that I eat three times as much as I should, and that the recommended portion size is roughly the same as your fist.

While under hypnotherapy I relax even more deeply and am told to leave food on my plate at every meal, to find pleasure in the flavour of food and not the quantity, to place my knife and fork down between mouthfuls and to chew every mouthful 15 times before swallowing, and to only eat when hungry and not to a scheduled timetable.

If it gets to lunchtime I am to place my hand on my stomach and ask: ‘Am I hungry?’ If I am not, then I don’t eat the meal. It all sounds so simple.

At breakfast the next morning, I find myself doing exactly what I am told and the meal that would have taken me five minutes to wolf down is now lasting four times as long. I must look like a crazed Stepford wife as I sit in the hotel breakfast hall chewing slowly

I seem to be doing this involuntarily. Surely this is not the hypnotism actually working?

After my second mouthful, just when I am starting to enjoy the muesli, what should pop into my head? You guessed it – me looking slim, tanned and happy in my pink dress. Damn.

My third session is with Martin, who practises cognitive behavioural therapy which concentrates purely on the present.

He teaches the patient to take responsibility for their actions and to identify, understand and, ultimately, stop their damaging behaviour.

Martin definitely seems to believe in the ‘tough love’ type of treatment, playing bad cop to Marion’s good cop.

He asks whether I want to wait until I have type 2 diabetes and my heart is at risk before I address my weight issue.

When I snort and reply that I’m a long way from that, he points out that I have gained nearly three stone in 18 months and that if I repeat the same pattern I will be classed as morbidly obese.

As stupid as it sounds, that had never even occurred to me.

Martin asks me if I always wear my seatbelt when I drive and why. I say: ‘because I don’t want to be hurt in an accident’.

‘So why don’t you protect yourself from heart disease in the same way?’ he asks. For the first time, I am stumped for an answer.

He tells me about a woman he is treating who is so heavy that she has to pay for two plane seats when she flies over for treatment and asks whether I want to end up like that.

He asks: ‘Is this going to work?’ and over the course of the two-hour session my answer changes from ‘I hope so’ to ‘yes it will’ without my realising.

I don’t know whether it’s the Spanish heat, the jet lag or the treatment, but in the three days I have been in Spain I have not really been thinking about food – unlike my life back home where I plan every meal in advance.

Day four of my treatment is the biggie, the virtual gastric band operation. The session is to last for three hours.

As Marion prepares to put me under hypnosis I am told to lie back in the chair and close my eyes as the lights are dimmed and the blinds are closed.

A pulse monitor is clipped to my finger to monitor how deeply I go into a trance like state.

Soothing music is played gently in the background as I am instructed to relax my body, starting with the toes and working my way up to my face.

The music changes to that of an outdoor setting as I’m told I am in a garden full of fragrant and exotic plants – the room is then filled with the scent of jasmine and grass as the scene is being described to me using a technique called ‘vortex aroma’ where a computerised programme will release smells into the room at a specified time in the treatment.

Soon I can hear the sounds of birds and the crashing of waves. I am told I am barefoot on a beautiful, deserted beach, staring out to sea – the salty smell of the ocean fills my nostrils. I feel peaceful.

After 15 minutes I am deeply relaxed but not asleep and able to hear and remember everything I am being told as the weight loss part of the hypnosis begins. I relax deeply and am suddenly aware of the noises and smells of a hospital and can hear distant chatter.

Marion is at what looks rather like a DJ’s mixing desk which has a computer with a programme that releases authentic smells at the right moment.

Marion tells me that the pre-med is about to be administered and I feel a scratch to my hand. She tells me that I am being wheeled into the theatre where (thanks to sound effects) I can hear the beep of medical machinery.

A smell of anaesthetic is released into the room when I am about to go under and it fills my nostrils, this is delivered by a device called a ‘vortex aroma’ linked to the computerised system and expelled at the right time in the hypnotherapy session.

Then, Marion talks me through the incision being made, my liver being moved aside, the camera being placed inside me and the gastric band closing off a section of my stomach.

The distinct whiff of TCP fills the room when I am told that the wounds are being stitched.

I am informed that the operation has been a success and a golf ball is placed into my right hand for me to squeeze.

The golf ball is the size of my new-look stomach, says Marion, I will eat five or six mouthfuls of food before I feel full. Again, I am told to only eat food for its flavour, not its quantity.

But when I get home something astonishing happens I just don’t feel hungry any more The hypnotherapy lasts for about an hour and I come round feeling as woozy as I would from an actual anaesthetic, I also find myself clutching a pink golf ball that I don’t recall being placed in my palm.

I leave the session feeling very weird and slightly confused, and head straight to the airport for my flight home.

On the plane I refuse all offers of food but, being the cynic that I am, I tell myself that it’s because I am flying with a budget airline and their sandwiches are the Devil’s poison.

But when I get home something astonishing happens I just don’t feel hungry any more.

It is now ten days since my virtual gastric band was inserted and in that time I have eaten a fraction of what I normally would.

Like most people, I am always hungry at breakfast time and prepare a small bowl of fruit and cereal.

Not once since returning from Spain have I finished it all. I want to, but it’s not happening. I eat so slowly and I can’t stop picturing me in my pink dress.

Five evenings out of ten I haven’t eaten an evening meal at all, because I just haven’t fancied it.

I have found that I am eating at around 8am, midday and 4pm and then that seems to be enough.

My social life has always revolved around late night meals and drinking when, in fact, it was the last thing my body wanted.

The bizarre thing is that I don’t think for a minute that I have a gastric band, I know that I don’t, but I feel strangely full in a way that I didn’t use to.

Just a fortnight ago, I could easily polish off a Marks & Spencer lasagne for two. Pasta now makes me feel so uncomfortably full that I can’t bear to eat it.

Will it all wear off? Will my huge appetite return with a vengeance in the coming days?

I feel rather overwhelmed and slightly confused by the whole experience. In eight weeks’ time, I am due to revisit the clinic to monitor my weight loss and see if I require an adjustment to my gastric band to either speed or slow down my weight loss – just as I would if I had actually had the surgery.

Once I hit my target weight of 91/2st I have to undergo more therapy where I may have my virtual gastric band removed, and will be given a maintenance programme that will allow me to eat without regaining the weight.

Will it work? All I know is that I have lost 7lbs in ten days, and that as I sit here typing this on a hot summer’s day the thought of a huge bowl of icecream is as about as unappealing as a slap in the face with a wet fish.

Who’d have thought it? Could it really be the result of my phantom gastric band? I’m starting to believe it might be.

For more information visit www.gmband.com